I used to get in the way of myself sometimes. And by sometimes I mean most of the time. As a new Christian, one of my biggest struggles was letting go of the past and moving beyond my insecurities. I let the way that I saw and felt about myself dictate my walk with God. I was more focused on myself than on my God, and that’s a dangerous place to be in.
One of the concepts that I used to struggle with was Galatians 2:20. It says “For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God’s.” Pretty straightforward right?
Jesus bought me with his blood and my life now belongs to him. Yet, I sat on the sidelines, chickened out, and ran away from what God was calling me to do. All of this swaying happened because of the fact that I felt insecure and inadequate in my abilities. I didn’t realize it at the time, but I let my own ego get in the way of what God had for me.
When I rededicated my life back to Christ I was still leaning on my own ego out of a force of habit. I would think about my own insecurities and weaknesses rather than focusing on what God had planned for me to do. I was living my life shrouded in a cloud of diffidence that I had created for myself. I thought that I was inadequate in every area of my life because of who I was. But in actuality, I put myself in a higher place in my life than God. Just because I had a low self-esteem doesn’t mean I felt low about my own importance.
Although I hadn’t realized it at the time, I was dethroning God the entire time. I was so focused on my own image that in the process I had failed to realize the bigger picture. I was getting so full of myself that there was no room for God anymore. The whole time I was using up all of my time wallowing in my own insecurities and pushing God away from me in the process. I was reverting back to my old self-deprecating habits. That is until I read this:
John 3:30 states that He must increase, but I must decrease. When I read that verse I had a sudden realization of what was actually important when it came to my relationship with Christ: we need to die to ourself daily.
In today’s society we can be so focused on ourselves that we don’t leave any room for God to come in and transform our heart. It’s important not to be too focused on our status and image that we fail to recognize that it really doesn’t matter to God. In actuality God wants us to be real with him; he wants us to be broken at his feet and let him mold us into the people he wants us to be. As Christians we must put our old ways behind us in order to fully become more like Christ and become a true follower.
I understand now that I’d rather be filled with God and be lost in his presence than to be full of my own self. We are not perfect and fall short, but serve a perfect God who wants to transform and heal us from the inside out.
– Daniela Torres