God’s Will, Not my Own

Throughout the past few months, God has truly been working in my life in so many unexpected ways. Little by little, He’s been showing me the importance of obedience and how much better it is to do what He wants rather than what I want.
Halfway through my Junior year of high school, I went through a really bad cold that unfortunately cost me my voice. I lost 80% of my speaking voice, and all of my singing voice due to an improperly healed scratch on one of my vocal cord; due to coughing. “There was nothing you could’ve done to prevent this,” the doctor said. I used to be heavily involved in musical theater and choir so it devastated me completely. It was painful, frustrating, but most of all, it was confusing. I didn’t get the why of this situation. It was God’s will, not my own. My senior year, I decided to audition for a school in New York as a Voice major… yeah. The craziest part is that somehow, I got accepted. I was ecstatic even though I couldn’t even speak correctly because well, my voice was nonexistent. I thought this was a sign because “What else could this be,” right?

After months of debating with my parents if I should go, we knew there was no way we could afford this school and again, I was filled with confusion and frustration. It was God’s will, not my own. In that process, I decided that if I couldn’t sing, I would create music for others that could sing; and ended up falling in love with the theory of music composition.  A couple of months after graduating high school, the most miraculous thing happened, I got my voice back. It was a miracle and I felt hopeful and ready to live my dreams again. But that isn’t what necessarily happened…

Due to the last minute decision in the college situation, I ended up going to a school I didn’t want to go to and began one of the toughest school semesters of my life. I was the furthest I had ever been from God, and I became numb to it. After my first semester of college, something shifted in me and I decided to try church one more time. I showed up to one of The Voice’s services, January of 2018, sat by myself in the back and listened to Pastor Sonia. To be honest, it had been so long that I left saying “I didn’t even like it”, when in reality, God had started to shift so much in my life that I felt uncomfortable and convicted. I decided to show up once more the week after and join the Daniel’s fast on day 7. I had no idea how ready God was to transform my path forever. In 2018, God took my whole life and while I thought He was tearing me apart, He was building me up.

Everything I was putting my focus on, slowly disappeared and I had no choice but to give him my undivided attention in my slow process of restoration and revival. In March of 2018, just after two months of being an attendee at The Voice, God made clear that He wanted me to go to “Love Week”, which pushed me more out of my comfort zone even more than ever. Little did I know, it would actually change my whole life. After “Love Week”, I left hungry for God, and extremely sensitive to the spirit. The day after “Love Week” ended, I got my current calling… yeah you read that right. I was called to be an Intern.
I was baffled by the idea of internship, I had no idea how I was at all capable of stepping into the shoes of a leader and succeed. Before I could even say yes, I got accepted into my dream school for my dream major, music theory and composition. You guessed it, confusion and frustration were all I could feel once more, except this time I also felt undeniable peace. It was God’s will, not my own. Months of prayer and tears passed and I finally said yes to internship. The first months of internship were the hardest, happiest, most stressful, peaceful, scary, overwhelming, and joyful months ever. Yet there is one thing I remember everyday, and that is that “It is God’s will, not my own”.
I am currently a first year intern for The Voice and if you would’ve told me exactly a year ago, when I walked through those doors that this is what my life would look like, I would’ve definitely laughed because I would’ve never seen myself not only doing ministry; but loving it how I do now. The only difference between the Juliet of January of 2018 and the Juliet of 2019 is that current Juliet gets that It is God’s will, not her own.

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future”.- Jeremiah 29:11 

Juliet Lyan

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