Yup, you read that correctly. But don’t be surprised. Unlike many people out there I’m not scared to lay it all out and actually be honest with you. Heck, someone has to be on this day and age! Most recently I had the opportunity and privilege to slap some sense into a couple of friends. After finding out that they had been on a couple of dating and hook up apps I decided to write this blog and expose their names….
Just kidding… lol
That would definitely be the SPILL of the day. But fortunately, to them I’m not that type of friend.
After some quick research, I decided to share with you some statistics from eharmony.com and from other sources found on the line. Yes! I said the line! We will later discuss our findings more in detail and I’ll help you create a step-by-step regimen for deleting those unnecessary apps and refocusing on a life full of trust, obedience and faith.
Did you know…
…that there are 40 million Americans using dating sites and apps? And that 27 percent of those people are young-adults between the ages of 18-28?
…that Men make up 52.4 % of online dating users compared to 47.6% who are women.
… 53% OF PEOPLE LIE ON THEIR ONLINE DATING PROFILE! They lie about their weight, age and job income.
…that 22% of online daters ask a friend to help them create their profiles. (I know!! I KNOW you are that friend aren’t you? Lol I’m kidding. Keep reading, it gets better.)
…did you know that men are most likely to be online because they “just want a hookup” (Sorry guys, but these are the facts.)
…that 48% of these relationships end via Emails
Another source says
… that a full 47% of survey respondents who use Tinder specifically use it for hooking up.
…the same source said; 63% of those people who were surveyed use Tinder strictly out of boredom—and 75% of those are women. (Girls, come on! Have some class!)
…that studies show that hook up apps have huge effects on mental health
…and that most people on these dating and hook up apps and sites are not always honest about their health. Spreading STDs without telling their partner that they have them?
That last one alone should stop you on your tracks. But if that’s not the case it is truly time to speak with someone about your dependency on these apps. It’s time to get some accountability!
For a short time, even as a Christian I sought the temporary relief of dating apps. Joining many, even at the same time, I was looking to them to keep me distracted and fill me with a temporary high that satisfied my need for companionship and attention. Today, many young adults and adults alike depend on multiple apps to receive whatever they are currently lacking emotionally. Very few people look for love in these apps, and only a few are lucky to find it. Most of the time, many of us end up in dark places. Like a high tide rising in the ocean, we are pulled into deep waters and end up in places we never thought we would find ourselves in. In my case, I would never physically meet anybody, but I loved the attention received when texting a random stranger. Eventually I would reach a limit and then, I was heartbroken all over again. Not by the rando, but by my very own doing.
A while back I heard about a study performed in dogs. When it was time for dinner the owners would ring a bell, and the dogs immediately knew to run towards the food bowl. After a few times the dogs knew that when they heard the bell they would be getting food. The owners began to ring the bell and put no food on the bowl to see what would happen. Immediately they noticed that every time they would ring a bell their dogs would start salivating. These apps have the same affect on us. The moment we get a match, or we hear a notification, our brain releases this chemical that gets us excited. This euphoric affect inside momentarily satisfies us, like a drug addict depending on their next high. After a while of using these apps we have been trained by these companies to depend on responses to satisfy deep needs inside of us. Needs that perhaps we aren’t feeling due to the lack of human interaction and boredom, but really stem from spiritual dehydration.
The fact of the matter is that we don’t know how to live alone, that loneliness is a real thing and it sucks really bad. That in our spare time, and in times where we find ourselves bored we really don’t have a natural response to turn to Jesus and his teachings. We want the fastest and easiest route to receive relief rather than teaching. The truth is we don’t want to learn when we have the option to feel. That we don’t want to obey when we have the option to survive another day. As you read this you may find yourself thinking, “Dang why do you have to come at me like that?” or perhaps you are saying something like “Dang, I need to delete these apps!” And my response to you is DO IT NOW! Delete the app! You don’t need it. There is much more value to you than what you feel right now. Believe me, there is something much greater and ready for you after you take this first step.
Life is hard! And sometimes we’ll find ourselves eating Taco Bell at 2 in the morning feeling like the world doesn’t really know you exist. Or perhaps you just sit at home thinking there is something wrong with you and you are incapable of being loved or even liked by friends. And that’s completely okay. Who cares if the world doesn’t know who you are. God knows who you are and he is always there with you, even in your loneliness and even when you don’t remember that He is.
When I find myself forgetting that Jesus is real and not acknowledging his presence, when I forget that he has a plan for me, and that he has given me value I usually don’t slam into reality after I realize I fell back into an old pattern. A collection of small bad decisions always lead me to a bigger issue where I feel I have no control.
So, how do we stop ourselves? The answer is not easy. It’s going to take some hard work and accountability. The answer you seek is found in connection. Because you have depended so long on your own ways, disconnecting from dependency on “you” will be hard. It will take time and it will require a dependency in God that you have never experienced before. Old habits have to die in order to make new ones.
Here is a step-by-step guide on how to get started:
- Delete all the dating and hook up apps. Do it in front of a friend or leader that you trust. Accountability is crucial.
- Set app restrictions on your phone. If you don’t, a moment of weakness becomes an opportunity to become your worst enemy.
- Set a time to pray. Find out when that will be, and do it! Even if you fall asleep while praying, force yourself to have an open conversation with God every day.
- Start reading the bible and begin some sort of devotional plan. Try doing it with friends.
- Get Connected! Connect with other people and find a group to be a part of. Community is very important.
- Watch The Voice online!
- Create a worship playlist and listen to it every day at least once. This keeps you connected to your faith and will serve as an anchor when you begin to drift apart from acknowledging Jesus.
Follow these first steps and always (TRY) to remember that there is much more that The Lord has for you. He has plans to prosper you and bless you, to give you good things and bring you from glory to glory. But none of these things will happen with your strength and power. They happen when you sit back and wait on him. When you lean in and listen to his voice. When you know it’s wrong and you don’t do it. Ultimately when you decide to walk in faith and the Spirit leads you. As these things begin to reshape your life and you begin to build new habits. Your relationship with God will change. Loneliness will still be felt, boredom will still come, but how you respond to them will be changed by the way you see Jesus in your life.
Stay focused young adults! These are not the times to get lost and waste time with childish things. They are times to refocus and grow.
Your friend and always willing,