by Maddy

Have you ever sat back, thought about your past, and said, “I wish I could change that”? 

Many of us tend to linger on things of the past, wondering how different things would be if we could change it. For many years, I was one to think that if I would have made better choices, I would be better and would not struggle now.

 Well, something I’ve learned that has taken me some time to understand is that God is a master at changing the ugly things about us and turning them into something beautiful.

 “You don’t understand now what I am doing, but someday you will” (John 13:7 NLT).

 I want to share part of my story with you. When I was young, I remember traveling to visit family and I remember being terrified about going. The thing is, every time I would visit, my cousin would touch me in inappropriate ways and I was too young to know what I should do. I was always the quiet kid, so I never would express the things I felt. I held that inside for many years. I remember struggling and hating myself and thinking it was my fault.

As a result of this I struggled with suicidal thoughts and self-harm, and I would push people away. At the time, when I thought I would not overcome this, God, with time, showed me that He was always with me. 

What I thought was something to be ashamed of or embarrassed by, God showed me that I would later help others who went through the same. I would wish to change that ugly part of my past but God uses that one thing I wished to change to help others and be able to write my testimony to you today. 

I used to say, “If only this would have never happened,” but now I can say, “Thank you, God, because You saved me from that darkness, and now I can see.” 

“But God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong; God chose what is low and despised in the world, even things that are not, to bring to nothing things that are, so that no human being might boast in the presence of God. And because of him you are in Christ Jesus, who became to us wisdom from God, righteousness and sanctification and redemption, so that, as it is written, ‘Let the one who boasts, boast in the Lord’” (1 Corinthians 1:27-31 ESV).

I struggled for many years and I no longer struggle with this. God set me free! The process of healing was not easy. There are many things God revealed to me along the way. I do not know what you are going through, and maybe what you are going through is different. 

All I can tell you, with all confidence, is God will never abandon you. He sees you when you cry out for help. He sees you when you feel like there is no escaping from your past. Never give up the fight. 

When you think you will never overcome this and there seems no reason to pray, do not stop! Keep praying and fighting! Your breakthrough is coming! 

I cannot say it will be easy, but I can say that God will come through. You will overcome this.