I Throw Hands

by Kordell Phipps

It’s no secret that we are here with purpose.

We have to meet certain people, we have to move to certain states, we have to say yes to certain opportunities. All positive things that will bring us closer to our purpose. However, I’d be lying to you if I said you will only encounter things initially perceived as positive that will drive you towards purpose.

Sometimes, you have to go through trauma. Sometimes, your dad has to leave your family. Sometimes, you have to get bad news from the doctor. Sometimes, you have to go through that abuse. With purpose, these things are inevitable. We have to accept our purpose and have complete acceptance of everything it comes with.

The definition of acceptance is “the action of consenting to receive or undertake something offered.” So, when we submit to God and accept His purpose on our life, we are giving consent for all his shaping to happen.When bad things happen to us, it leaves us confused more than anything. We feel like God should have protected us from whatever happened.

It doesn’t work like that though, God never said we wouldn’t have battles in life, He said He would be by our side through it. I think that is enough to know that our battles cannot consume us. The creator of everything will always be by my side, so there is no way the outcome of the situation is me losing. Sometimes, it takes time to see the win, to have clarity on the situation, to see your purpose in it, and why God let it happen.

My family has been dealing with a generational curse for quite some time. Every generation, as far back as I know, has been affected by it. This curse that has been so evident, is sexual abuse.

In 10th grade I took the bus to school every morning, at a ridiculous hour, like 6:05 AM pickup time or something crazy like that. I remember one day, on my walk to the bus stop, I was hit with a memory. One that had been repressed in my mind for around a decade to that point. A memory of being abused at daycare by another child at a very young age began to
replay in my head.

I instantly began to ask God why that happened to me, so young, so innocent. I was hurt and confused, and if I’m being honest, I was angry. I didn’t feel protected the way I felt a child should be.

Fast forward to 11th grade, I take a psychology class, because I’ve always been interested in the mind, and why we do things. We eventually learn about something called dissociative amnesia. This is a type of amnesia that occurs most often after a traumatic event, and the brain specifically blocks out that memory to protect itself.

Immediately I thought back to the previous year, and the memory that was unearthed. I knew that was me, but why was it kept from me for all those years? I think the answer is this: God
was waiting for the right time to introduce that memory, so that I would respond correctly. 10th
grade is around the time I began to spend more time in prayer, more time in the Word. He knew
it was time, so that part of my purpose can begin.

I look back on that information being held from me as a blessing, I was still able to enjoy my childhood, without being clouded by the traumatic event, so it can be used as a tool for His kingdom, rather than a weapon for my destruction. Had it been introduced sooner; my life would look very different than what it does now.

Where does that leave my family? It’s clear since I went through it, that the curse is in my generation. I can say with confidence however, it ends in my generation. I refuse to keep this curse in the dark where it can continue to ravage through everyone in its path. The enemy will continue to play the same games, if the games keep having the same outcome of us being destroyed.

You ever wonder why the same thing keeps happening over and over again? The enemy knows what will get you, and the enemy has nothing else to throw your way but that one thing. The enemy has been playing this game for too long on my family, but he must’ve forgotten God never loses.

The enemy never counted on me being the first one living out a life for Christ in my family. So enemy, I have bad news for you. I don’t run. I throw hands (spiritually). This is not something that I will keep in the dark, it will be brought to the light where it can be changed for good. I will proclaim and declare freedom from the curse of sexual abuse on my family, and I will declare healing not only on generations before me, but after me as well. My future children, grandchildren, will grow up free, and strong, protected by God’s hand.

If I had to go through that trauma, to save my entire family from that same thing, why wouldn’t I accept that? Jesus died on the cross for everyone, the very least I can do is walk out God’s purpose in my life.

Acceptance can take time. Just make sure that you let God get you there, before you start pointing blame. I can assure you clarity will come when it’s time. Trust in His timing, trust in His process. Remember that He wants to bless us, seeing my family free from this curse is a blessing. You may not perceive it now, but you will. We know this because Isaiah 43:18-19 says,

“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs
up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.

Isaiah 43:18-19

You have purpose, your scars have purpose, your blessings have purpose. Your trauma does not set you back in your walk with Christ, do not weigh your worth in that way. That’s how the world defines worth. You are fearfully and wonderfully made, perfect in God’s eyes.

Let your trauma set others free, someone is waiting for hope from you.

Accept the call.

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